Respect for women?

THE PRODIGAL BLOGGER RETURNS!! It may well be true that no-one has looked at my blog for, like, a year (and, even then, readership never topped more than my Ma and a few well-meaning pals), but hey ho. Despite my posts being few and very far between, it's good for me to purge myself of all these thoughts and feelings in the vague hope that a kindred spirit will happen upon it and provide answers to life's dilemmas and problems. Or not.

The good news is that I'm finally shut of my unholy job in the NHS. Okay - so I'm still doing relatively unchallenging and unfulfilling administrative work, but it's a much nicer place... I'm currently typing (writing?) this in the Bodleian Library (heaven!), but for fear of my enemies using information against me, I refuse to spill any more work-related beans. Paranoid, moi?

I've just returned from my first introduction to Springboard - ever heard of it? It's a "professional and personal development programme, by women for women", which might sound like yr worst nightmare, but I totally buy all that self-development shit. I see a counsellor once a week, and am a firm believer that everyone should be in therapy, all of the time. Sorts me right out. (Note: I am NOT American) In its defence, it's a very well-respected, internationally recognised programme where I can, hopefully, learn a few pointers on how to be less dysfunctional within a professional environment (no mean feat).

The group numbered about 20-25 women, who were placed into groups of five, each comprising approximately five people. About half-way through the day, we were asked to brainstorm ideas on what was "hot" about being a women and what was "not" (I didn't like the terminology, either). I sat there and pondered... it wasn't long before I realised that there was no major advantages I could think of as a direct result of being female. I vaguely mumbled something about women's capacity to carry and give birth to babies (although if this is the only highlight of being female, I'm considering a refund), until someone phrased it more eloquently as "control over your fertility", which sounded much more compelling. Other than this, I could think of NOWT. How depressing! The other women in my group posited the following arguments: "wearing make-up", "being girly", "being able to wear high-heels", "dressing up pretty", "going to the beauty salon" and - wait for it - "chivalry". Where to begin? I was equally despairing and incredulous at such responses and tried to respond to the worst offender in the group by stating that some of these things were not exclusively based on gender (for example, "multitasking" and "dressing up pretty"), arguing that some of my male friends were super sharp dressers and interested in fashion. The worst offender retorted that such men were either "gay" or "weird".

We then had to read our shortlist out to the rest of the group. When my fellow 'Boarder read out our list, I shook my head in despair and pulled a face. It was obvious to anyone with eyes that I disagreed with what was being said. But - and this is the point of this entire post - I then started to question why I had felt it necessary to respond so scathingly to what the worst offender said. Wasn't she as entitled as me to her opinion on the joys (ahem) of being a woman? The more I sat and contemplated my hot-headed and incredulous response, the worse I felt. I'd made it heard to her, loud and clear, that I thought her opinion on this was bullshit. It suddenly occurred to me that I was as bad as those cliquey queer crowd or radical feminist twats, who see things in black and white, allowing no wiggle room for differing opinion. Yes - I strongly disapproved and disagreed with what she said - but I didn't respect her right to speak about this.

It's so easy to do this, and I'm probably guiltier than most. How can I call myself a feminist and preach about "respect for women", when I only respect women who have the same thoughts and politics as me? My response was inverted snobbery of the worst kind - what gives me the right to pass judgement on her lifestyle choices? My pals and I are all guilty of dissing blonde, fake-tanned, fashion obsessed girls, and y'know what? I think it's wrong. To paraphrase Voltaire, I might not agree with what they say, do and their obsession with appearance but, as a feminist, I should defend their right to do what the hell THEY choose (even if this has been heavily influenced by patriarchal hegemony. Ahem.) Women can't fucking win! They're either overweight, not conventionally "beautiful" enough, or they're too far gone in the other direction. We should all give each other a fucking break.

Signing off - thoughts/comments welcomed.